bushy 1black unibrowsusan brows

 

Did you ever dream of being a partner at a major New York law firm but couldn’t even get your foot in the door as an associate? Well, dream no more. Senior partners at the top 10 law firms in New York City met this week and agreed that where you went to school and the grades you got are irrelevant. They have come to the conclusion that it’s all about your eyebrows. Your eyebrows? Yes, at least according to these erudite lawyers who have spent precious years skimming the cream from the most revered law schools. “Your eyebrows are the key to your success,” crowed Richard Hammershlog, among the group of top attorneys. “The bushier the better. Nothing says gravitas  like a set of Eugene Levy’s”.

eugene levy

As a result, recent law school graduates who cannot grow their own bushy eyebrows are flocking to salons to get a weave. “Business is booming,” said Barbara Loo, proprietress of Brownnose Brows on Madison Avenue. “The worst are the Yale and Harvard types. They thought they were going to get hired for their smarts, and now they have to look like Groucho Marx.”( Ms. Loo said she had no prior experience as a rhyming poet.)  One frantic Ivy Leaguer, whose eyebrows were hairless tattoos, said in desperation. “I’m going the surgical implant route. By the end of the day, I’m going to Fried Frank looking like Frida Kahlo!”

frida kahlo

Not everyone was so impressed with this development. “Keep an eye on the pendulum,” mused Martin Oldman, a, well, old man and partner at a less distinguished law firm in New Jersey. This is a phase. Eventually, it will all go back to where to you went to school and what grades you got. In the meantime. We’ll settle for the mediocre lawyers with eyebrow pencil.”

 

 

 

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Joan Weisblatt

Joan left the practice of law after thirty years when the comedian inside her could no longer be contained. While in practice, she defended companies in asbestos litigation and hopes that she did not breathe in the trial exhibits. She performs in clubs and at fundraisers throughout New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Before joining Comedians at Law, Joan was named Comedians at Law Idol following a contest in which she successfully begged and pleaded with friends and family members to vote for her. Joan has been featured in the following New Jersey publications: The Star Ledger, The Princeton Packet and The Montgomery Sun.

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